Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
