I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
