What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
