Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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