Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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