What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
