I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
