Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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