Im at strip club and am horny
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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