So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Houston, we have a blender
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize