I wish my penis had an off switch
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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