even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
