theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
