What did we do last night that was yellow?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
