Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
