my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
