It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
