So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
