Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
