I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
