We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
