we're chasing vodka with high fives
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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