Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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