At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize