New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sober January is a disaster.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Randomize
