My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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