I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
