I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
