Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
