yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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