So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
