Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My feet surprised me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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