I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
