I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
