Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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