Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
