After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
