So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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