We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
