i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
