I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize