How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
