my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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