I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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