from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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