I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
