If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
