She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
