What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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