i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
