Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just high enough for therapy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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