i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
