I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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