You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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