if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
