Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
