No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
