this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
