which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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