Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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