i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
