u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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