My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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