It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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