How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
