Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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