Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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